Basement Whatever

Another woman who wants (say) a religiously serious family man with a good job might well find that men in her dating pool are indifferent to tattoos but care deeply about whether she likes reading science fiction and playing D&D. Presumably, she projects a shy, nerdy vibe—the kind of girl an Orson Scott Card fan wants to take home to Mom.

All this means that people’s advice and complaints primarily reflect, not great truths about love and dating and gender relations, but their own idiosyncratic way of moving through the world.
— Read on thingofthings.substack.com/p/why-all-dating-discourse-is-terrible

This article is about dating, but it applies to everything. People filter and signal constantly. That creates our own unique tunnels in the world. It shapes the jobs we’re exposed to and the people in our lives, and the type of networks we form.

What’s really fascinating about this article though, is that the author consciously tries to discover the signals that she’s sending. I’m not sure if signals can be changed, but I know that people who talk about reality tunnels are trying to change their signaling mechanisms. And people who talk about building the right network are talking about filtering.